Lupie No More 2k18

I typically don’t like to share stuff like this..to this degree because it makes me vulnerable and I’m a thug; however, its #LupusAwarenessMonth so I’ll share a part of my story, not only for me, but hopefully it will help another.

I never really claim lupus, because why would I claim something ion want?! I have some of the symptoms, the doc named me with the disease…but ion like to claim the disease. I look at myself as more of a #LupusAdvocate #CallItWhatYouWant I’ve typically done really good.. few flares every now & then… but when I get a flare, it can get bad.

My latest “visible” complication of lupus 2k16,.. lupus is invisible to the eye, its a happening w my immune system. Instead of my immune system attacking invaders, its attacking myself & the stuff I need lol smh…
due to the immune system decline I typically have [[visible]] probs with my hair/scalp, rashes, infections… #ListenToYourBody ➡

I’d found a bump on my scalp, and I knew from previous flares where I’d lost all my hair, pus, crusty filled scalp etc that this episode could get bad if I didn’t ‘stop it, but I didn’t know what to do about it. All I knew was, I had to stop it. And soon. #AintNobodyGotNoMoneyForThis!!

I was goin to all these docs .. trying to clear my skin/stop the scalp stuff. 👈 #Stress #Anxiety #Fear I remember breaking down in one the docs office crying that I was about to graduate, people were coming & needed something to make me better. I also remember going through a ‘separation’ at the time & he was not to know the extent of what I was dealing w. He came through one day though & in casual convo said “yo skin wasn’t like that when I was here, stop stressin!”

Bish whet?! U mean to tell me I been doin this myself?

I started researching. Mad scientist mode. In casual convo someone told me about the Willie Lynch: Making of a Slave Letter… the use of Fear, Envy & Distrust for control purposes. Willie Lynch Letter My friend told me about Lauryn Hill’s Song “Get Out” (See below)

Discovery: Dang, we been livin a lie. Sometimes we’ve been in a condition/conditioned to think something so long, we think its supposed to be that way & we don’t question it. We like to place blame to make ourselves feel better, but we also have to take accountability. Doctors can name a disease, [it helps for classification] they can give meds, etc it helps, but medicating also just mask the problem. The real question is what are you feeding your heart & mind? There is no physical ailment w.out it first starting as thought & feeling/emotion. As much as physical health is important, mental, emotional/spiritual health is just as important. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.

The body is built to go into fight, flight, or freeze mode whenever it senses a threat/trigger. Physically or psychologically. Its a short-term response to help you stay alert to the threat. Once it shifts to long term mode cortisol [stress hormone] is being released into the body.. its starts disrupting the normal fung sheui. ⬅🙃 Lol. It eventually manifests as physical symptoms. ➡ Stress Response System

My #FearOfAbandonment was triggered. & once its triggered I’m examining it from Every 👏Possible👏Angle #ToInfinityAndBeyond .. its the internalizing your feelings… instead of letting them out.

I tend to overthink and stress about the stress before the stress even there. Then when the problem manifests in the physical I’m like “wheeetttttt???? OMG, How sway?! Whyyyy?” lol

Or the ever so popular, tears! “I knew it!!!!”

Worrying is like praying for something you don’t want.

🙃 I am either irrationally fearful, or utterly fearless. Not sure if there’s an in-between… [& fear damages the kidneys] but God has not given the spirit of fear. Why don’t we listen?

I’m starting to listen more. And if that ‘it’ never goes back to what “were use to seeing” I wear my battle scars with gratitude. “It will grow back.”

• I say all of that to say #WhatsOnYourMind
• What are some healthy ways you de-stress?
• Express your emotions?
• When you need rest, do you rest?

#LupusFact: Lupus is a disease of flares and remissions.
Lupus flare-ups can be mild, or they can be severe. At least 75 percent of people with lupus have arthritis and skin rashes. Half have kidney problems. Lupus patients are also more vulnerable to infection than most people.