Reassure Me Please!

re·as·sur·ance
noun
the action of removing someone’s doubts or fears.
a statement or comment that removes someone’s doubts or fears.

We believe if only our partners would say or do the exact right thing, we could finally feel ultimate security in the relationship. We imagine that if only they would use specific magic words.

Then it moves to, if only they would say the words and sound like they really mean them. If only they would be consistently available to us, to hold us, and listen to our fears. If only we lived together, if we were married, if only, if only, if only….THEN, we could believe them. But even when we have that partner. They say the loving things. They mean what they are saying and they sound like they mean it. They are caring and patient and consistent when we are shaky and insecure. And yet sometimes, it’s not enough to soothe what ails us.

When we are not soothed by our partner’s/friends/therapist etc tenderness, this might be a cry from our inner child. [I like to say, your inner[G] (energy) needs a lil TLC + healing]. The child who wasn’t responded to with love and patience. The one who was rejected, humiliated, and/or ignored. They refuse to trust so easily.

These are the inner wounds we carry. The vulnerable/unhealed points in our inner[G] energy. When you recognize your inner child, can you turn to them with compassion and understanding? “I see that you are hurt. I understand why you don’t trust people. I’ve got you now. I’m here.” Stregthen & heal your inner[G] and remind yourself you are the adult. Be loving, and compassionate towards yourself, and understand you have it handled.

Then, it might sound counterintuitive, but make the choice to trust. There are no guarantees. In order to be in an intimate relationship, we choose over and over again to be vulnerable, to let them into our worlds, and to receive love and care. Today, make the choice to trust. Today, make the choice to receive the love and care being offered to you. I know it’s scary. But you deserve it. Believe you deserve it.

#

Some truths slap us in the face and free us at the same time. Keep confidence in yourself, abilities, worth, value etc. + understand none of the former listed things change bc of a persons presence in your life.

As we age, we lose enough friendships and partners that we start to come to terms with this reality. We learn to embrace loss with a little more grace. We hopefully see the potential of loss not as a threat, but with lens of gratitude for the time we have available with our loved ones. I hope this realization inspires you to stay engaged in your relationships.

People can become disconnected and confused. They don’t realize how they got there. Most movies end after the part where there’s a proposal and the couple runs off into the sunset. But what comes next?

We have to invest in our relationships. We can rely on our partners and lean on them, but we also have to invest in them and our relationships. True relationship security isn’t just given. It’s built by showing up regularly, checking in, making adjustments, and following through.

Be willing to love, but be willing to lose.
Be willing to try again.
Be willing to show up differently.
Learn ways to dance with a partner just as you have learned ways to dance by yourself.
Ask for compromise in your relationship, but not the kind that sells your soul.
Speak your non-negotiable boundaries, but soften the ones that might block you from fully loving.

Research shows that couple’s should spend at least 6 hours a week connecting. How much time do you spend investing in your relationship? Do you know how much time you spend on your phone?

Where we put our time and energy will show.

Also, find a way to embrace grief as a constant in your relationship, whether you are together or apart. Because grief will find a way to be there, no matter what.It will be there to shake us, to wake us up, to remind us that we’re human, and to remind us to love again even when it hurts. And there is so much freedom for all of us in that.

How will you invest a little bit today?
#LaughLoveThinkFacts😂💜💭💯
@sitwithwhit @silvykhoucasian


Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s