I usually don’t share stuff like this to this degree because it makes me vulnerable… and I’m a thug. 😅 But it’s #LupusAwarenessMonth, so I’m sharing a piece of my story, for me and for anybody who needs it.

I don’t like to “claim” lupus, because why would I claim something I don’t want? I’ve had symptoms, I’ve been labeled with it, and I still keep my identity bigger than any diagnosis. I look at myself as a #LupusAdvocate.

Lupus can be invisible to the eye — it’s immune-system-related. When my system gets off balance, I can get visible issues like hair/scalp problems, rashes, infections… and that’s my body saying: listen.

I found a bump on my scalp. I knew from previous flares this could get worse fast. I didn’t have a perfect plan — I just knew I needed to interrupt it early.

I was going to all these doctors trying to clear my skin and calm the scalp stuff. Stress. Anxiety. Fear. I remember breaking down in one doctor’s office crying because graduation was coming, and I wanted something that helped me stabilize. I was also going through a separation at the time, and I didn’t want him to know the full extent of what I was carrying.

Then one day he said casually: “Your skin wasn’t like that when I was here… stop stressin.”

And I was like… wait. You mean to tell me I’ve been doing this to myself?

That’s when I went into research mode — mad scientist mode. I started noticing how fear, distrust, and stress shape the body over time. A label can guide care, but masking symptoms isn’t the same as changing the pattern.

The deeper question became: What are you feeding your mind and heart? Because thought + emotion + nervous system state matter.

For me, fear of abandonment was a trigger. Once triggered, I analyze from every angle… to infinity and beyond. That internalizing instead of expressing? It stacks.

Now I’m listening more. Even if things don’t go back to what I’m “used to seeing,” I wear the battle scars with gratitude. It will grow back.

Flow: symptoms show up → symptoms progress → reality check → humor as regulation → final “WTF” reaction.

• Labels aren’t identity. A diagnosis can guide care. It doesn’t get to name your whole life.
• Triggers have a body. Fear, grief, pressure, betrayal — the nervous system keeps receipts.
• Survival mode is expensive. Long-term activation drains capacity and can show up physically.
• Expression matters. Internalizing everything isn’t strength. It’s load-bearing.
• Early interruptions help. You don’t wait for a crisis to protect your nervous system.

• What’s on your mind that your body has been carrying for you?
• What were the 3 biggest stressors in the last 30 days? (Name them. Don’t sugarcoat them.)
• When you feel unsafe, do you freeze, fawn, fight, or flee? What does that look like for you?
• What emotion do you avoid the most: anger, grief, fear, disappointment, shame? Why that one?
• Where do you feel fear of abandonment in your body (throat, chest, stomach, jaw, shoulders)?
• What’s one boundary that would lower your cortisol starting this week?
• What do you do when you need rest? Do you rest… or do you bargain with your body?

Simple on purpose. When you’re activated, you don’t need a TED Talk. You need a doorway.

Lupus Fact: Lupus is a disease of flares and remissions. Flare-ups can be mild or severe. Many people experience joint pain and skin symptoms, and some may have kidney involvement. People with lupus can also be more vulnerable to infection.