Couples are supposed to operate as a team, but sometimes they compete instead. It’s often a sign of envy, which can fester and create resentments in a relationship. — see envy/jealousy post.
Do you Keep a mental list of who does the most, one-up, exclude your partner in social settings, compare assets (personal and material), or turn the convos back to you when your partner needs you to listen? The signs aren’t always easy to see bc it can be hidden in passive or aggression. Its said that often when spouses compete it’s about work. It provides clear measures of success: promotions, raises, awards– many opportunities for comparison.
Partners who compete much of time tho, build up great resentment toward each other. They also feel unloved, and ultimately don’t trust their partner to have their back. They feel misunderstood and criticized.
Remember that you are on the same team. Commit to playing cooperatively versus competitively.
Some tips to combat competitiveness
Hope that they do something well
Try to feel happy when they have a success
Be happy when your partner gets a promotion, pop champagne to it!
Focus on the desire to be happy rather than be right
Let their talents inspire you to perfect yours
Try to work together towards a goal, rather than try to out fo eachother.
See them as a teammate rather an adversary
Empathize when they fail
Ditch the Sarcasm
Always Be Respectful
Acknowledge Things That Go Well
Listen & empathize
Make Sure You Are Pulling Your Weight