Love, or whatever that is…

The best love is the one that changes you into a better person without changing you into someone else. I’m sure we’ve all experienced possessive love, you know where you’re like “MINE, HE’S MINE” *Grumpy face* Experienced limited love. “Because of their actions, it limited you from loving them entirely.” And experienced “realized” love. “Oh, you said it first, omg, I love you too!!” And neither follow the scripture.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8. Love never fails.

So what is love? Is it a commitment? A feeling? Both? Sometimes I don’t know. I even looked up the definition which in turn stated “an intense feeling of deep affection.” Wow, that was helpful. Now that I’m older and can understand a little more I wanted to know…. Have I really ever loved? And have I really ever been “in love?” So I’ve applied my experiences to how I feel now. So in my research, yes because I’m always researching something, I needed to know what “love” is. Does that mean I’m looking for love? Well what I’ve found is when LOVING someone it is unconditional. It is a choice, not a feeling unlike that “in love” feeling. But once you start it is forever if you truly did love them. For instance, even though your mom may ground you, you will never stop loving her. Even though your boyfriend cheated on you, you still have a genuine love/caring about their well-being. You may not be IN LOVE with them, but you will always care. Loving someone is wanting what’s best for that person. I’ve found that USUALLY the “in love” on cloud 9 feeling comes first, but after you will actually LOVE that person for the person they are. In a relationship just like you can fall IN love, you can fall OUT of love. Even though you fall out of love, or are bored with the relationship the boredom is not and indicator that something may be wrong with the relationship it’s a phase. Do something and kick the romance back up a notch. It is about growing together and accepting flaws. Nobody is perfect. So I’ve been asked a few times… “are you in love?” in some research I’ve done, and a few books I’ve read, there are 5 love languages.

  1. Acts of service: small acts of service whether its helping around the house without being asked, a backrub when you’ve said you’ve had a long day etc
  2. Receiving gifts (self explanatory)
  3. Quality time: I think some people have different ideas of quality time whether it be hanging out at the house watching tv and browsing the internet together, others it may be no distractions, just the two of them.
  4. Physical touch: affection, intimacy, cuddling, hugging, kissing etc
  5. Words of affirmation: enforce how you feel with words: thank you for taking out the trash, you look great, compliments etc.

These 5 love languages aren’t something you haven’t heard before if you’ve read “The 5 love languages” by Gary D. Chapman. What I took from this is everyone has a primary love language and that is the way we expect to be loved. When we receive it in another way, we are still appreciative and understand we are loved, but it’s not our primary language. You may be bi-lingual, but if someone speaks to you in Spanish and you are more comfortable with English, you won’t appreciate the language as much as you would English. Same difference. I’m theorizing that if we are loved how we recognize love, we will experience our ‘in love’ feeling. You have every confirmation that you feel special, loved, wanted, and needed. You can love a person forever and never be in love with them. Once the “in-love” phase fades, you realize what type of person you were “in-love” with, and sometimes you don’t like it creating that “how it use to be.” You were in love the person you thought they were.

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Lust is when you love only what you see. Love is when you lust for what’s inside.

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Before I can love you, I have to heal me first.

When someone wants you to be happy with or without them, that’s when you know they love you unconditionally.

Only love can bring the real you out. Perfect love expels all fear.

What’s yo definition of love?

Will You Still Love Me? – Brian Nhira

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